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Mr. Stock Smarty Pants offers new year’s resolutions for stock photographers
Dear Mr. Stock Smarty Pants:
It being the New Year and all, I was wondering if there are any resolutions that you think a stock photographer should make. Also, it would be helpful if you have any hints on how to stick to those resolutions, because I’m really not very good at that (last year I resolved to lose 30 pounds but only managed to get rid of five, and that was for just two weeks).
Sincerely,
Rick
Buffalo NY
Dear Rick:
Fortunately for you I am still in a kind, fuzzy, holiday-kind of mood, because fielding your question seems like a total waste of time.
First of all, making resolutions is an exercise in futility, not only for you specifically (though I’m not opposed to that concept) but for the general populace as well. Did you know that during the first week of the year memberships at health clubs (remind me to explain to you what those are, Mr. Thirty Pounds Over) increase 300% because people “resolved” to take better care of themselves; 90 days later 95% of those people are never seen again at those same clubs.
Your lack of commitment in sticking to your resolution to lose weight doesn’t surprise me: hell, you live in Buffalo! What else do you have to do there all winter except drink (probably heavily) and eat (no doubt excessively)?
Rick, you impress me as the type of guy who would make a New Years resolution to find out why the correspondence course on "Mail Fraud" that you purchased never showed up. Nonetheless, About The Image provides massive compensation to me for responding to people just like you (well, not really like you…most of them are considerably more intelligent), so I have to at least go through the motions. Accordingly, here are Mr. Stock Smarty Pants’ Top Ten Resolutions for stock photographers for 2008:
10. I resolve to take off my beret and shoot only pictures that art buyers actually need, not that I want to take just I think they’re “cool.”
9. I resolve that I will never, ever again take a stock shot of a handshake, a cute young kid eating watermelon or two businesspeople high fiving each other.
8. I resolve to stop whining about my stock agency (especially to other photographers at trade association meetings), get up off my butt and find some other, more effective ways to sell my pictures.
7. I resolve to spend more money on producing salable pictures than on new lenses, digital storage cards or ringtones for my Blackberry.
6. I resolve that I will actually do a good job of keywording my stock pictures and, if I can’t do it myself, I’ll outsource it to some NAFTA or Third World country that can.
5. I resolve to spend more time taking pictures than working on them in Photoshop.
4. I resolve that I will get my stock photos copyrighted with the folks in Washington, D.C. because if I don’t then I have about as much respect for my intellectual property as the Chinese do.
3. I resolve that I will never, ever again caption a picture of a canine “Dog” or caption a picture of a mountain “Mountain.”
2. I resolve that I will put at least as much effort into planning my stock shoots as I put into compiling my fantasy football team.
And, the Number One resolution for all stock photographers for 2008:
1. I resolve that I will never, ever again ask, “Do I need a release for this picture?”
So, there you go, Rick. I wish I could go into greater detail on these for you…well, actually, that’s a lie, because my guess is that you’re not going to be able to follow through on any of these. For some reason I get the feeling that you’re the one they’re talking about when people say, “Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life." No, I’m afraid that I’m just not up for a lengthy discourse right now, as Mr. Stock Smarty Pants is still in recovery mode from the New Years Eve party I attended. It was a pretty swinging affair, though a tad short, since prison regulations require lights out at 10:00 p.m. The food was decent, but the “Champagne” tasted suspiciously like apple juice mixed with Alka Seltzer. Anyway, I realize that my advice comes to you too late to be of help at any more holiday parties, but even if you blow off all of the resolutions that I have so generously provided to you, try your best to at least keep this one throughout 2008:
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." - Ernest Hemingway
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Mr. Stock Smarty Pants, a major player in the worldwide stock picture industry, answers your questions about the stock picture industry every other Monday (or whenever the mood strikes him) on About The Image. Although MSSP is constantly traveling the globe due to his interest in other cultures (as well, of course, as the fact that several countries are seeking his extradition), your question regarding anything about the stock photo business will be forwarded to him and, so long as Mr. Stock Smarty Pants manages to avoid incarceration, he will consider responding to you in an upcoming edition of About The Image. E-mail your questions to: . Oh, and MSSP categorically denies any affiliation whatsoever with the company called Stock Answers™ LLC.
Posted in: Features, Mr. Stock Smarty Pants, Photographers, Stock Photography 101
